The Waiting...

     Honestly the waiting is getting really hard. We have been in the adoption process for 2 years now. I never thought we would have to wait this long. 2 years, Come on, think about it 2 years is a long time! Can you remember what you did a week ago? A month ago? 2 summer's ago? uggh

     As we have been waiting many friends and family members have been pregnant and have welcomed beautiful babies into there families. This doesn't make me sad, I am glad and excited for them to be blessed with a baby. I'm just waiting for our turn.

      2 years is a long time. That's a whole 9 month pregnancy and enjoying your baby for 15 months. Watching your baby learn, grow and become a toddler. If you have a 15 month old baby right now, We have been waiting as long as when you first found out you were pregnant. Or if you are a student that is 2 whole grades. That's a long time for my kids to be waiting to play with there new sibling/s.

    Time really does go slow when you are waiting for something. Something that will change your life forever. During this waiting time some days, weeks and months seem to go buy faster than others. But some days like these past rainy, dreary days are real downers. Keeping busy has helped me. Its hard when you make plans but always in the back of your head you think "Yes, I will do that, IF I'm not in Africa." I have done this with concerts, coffee dates, jobs, vacations, summer plans and holidays. Then the event comes and goes and I am glad that I have continued to live my life this past 2 years. But it's also a reminder of the fact that now that event is a distant memory and here we are still waiting.

       Holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Summer, Mother's Day, Birthday ect. are extra hard. The build up and excitement to the holiday is long and during this time I will be thinking *maybe* we will be in Africa during this holiday? But no the holiday comes closer. Then I think *maybe* we will get a call just before the agencies close for the holidays. I think what a nice gift that would be. but no still no call. Then during the holiday I'm waiting for the agencies to open again and thinking well *maybe* by the next holiday we will be matched. Or I think for sure by next Christmas or summer but then that time passes by too. It really is an emotional roller coaster. And just so you know I Hate Roller Coasters!

     I've made deals in my head, thinking "when I finish reading this book on toddler adoption" would be a good time to get a referral. Or "when I finish this book on building attachment in adoptions." or when the kids are on summer holidays. or when T. isn't so busy at work. or when the house in organized but it doesn't work we are still waiting.

     Waiting is the hardest thing I have done in my life. Some days make the waiting easier, mostly busy days and weeks. But slow, quiet, rainy, dreary days like this are hard. Please Lord, I can't wait much longer. I am getting drained. Please finish the CIC Review so that we can get a referral for our child/ren. I desperately want to see their face, to hold them, to welcome them into our family forever. I've heard someone say before that they need Africa more than Africa needs them. I agree I need Africa. I am so ready. Please pray that the CIC review is completed and that we get a referral soon.
Love Dilly
    

You asked...

I gave you the chance to ask me questions about our adoption. Please understand that these are my answers and my opinions. So here are your questions:

Is it easier to adopt within Canada or internationally? Or does the process take long for both?
     Well To first answer this question you should know that there are 3 types of adoption:
1) Private open adoption. This is where the birth mother chooses the family. The speed of this really just depends on the when you get picked. It could be quick or it could take years.
2) Adoption through the foster system. I think this would be the quickest if the birth parents have already lost there right to parent. If the child is still going through the courts this could be a long heart breaking time. But really I don't know much about this type of adoption and if you are interested you should contact Children's Services.
3) International adoption. International adoptions are becoming more and more difficult because of new laws and regulations. If you are adopting internationally you need to be aware of the Hague Convention. You can find out more about that here: http://www.cic.gc.ca/ENGLISH/immigrate/adoption/hague.asp There is becoming less and less countries that are allowing international adoptions and different countries open and close for adoption at different times. Some international adoptions happen quick but I think most, as I am finding out, take awhile.

Why did you choose to adopt from South Africa?
     We choose to adopt internationally because we felt that God was calling us to do it. We knew we wanted a child of African decent so our choices in countries were USA, Haiti, Ethiopia or South Africa. The USA program is similar to private adoptions in Canada were the birth parents pick the family for adoption of a newborn. We weren't really set on adopting a newborn. We started our adoption journey a couple months after the earthquake in Haiti so we were not sure how adoption were going to proceed. Also with the Haiti program you are matched quickly with a child but then have to wait until all the paperwork is complete before you can bring them home. I figured this would be really hard on me, to be match to my child and having to watch them grow in photo's until I could finally bring them home. Ethiopia had a really long waiting list and was slow moving. We felt that South Africa was the perfect choice for us. My Dad has been to South Africa many times and we knew a few people from South Africa so we instantly felt connected. When we first started our adoption journey South Africa adoptions were going smoothly.

How many are you planning to adopt? And what ages?
    In our home study we have been approved to adopt 1 or 2 children, under the age of 5. The youngest they would be is 9 months because they have to stay in South Africa until then. We will either get 1 child or 2 which could be 2 brothers, 2 sisters, 1 brother and 1 sister or twins. If we get 2 children they would have to be siblings you can not adopt 2 unrelated children at the same time.

Will the children know English and any other languages?
     South Africa has 11 official languages Afrikaans, English, Ndebele, Northern Sotho, Sotho, Swazi, Tswana, Tsonga, Venda, Xhosa and Zulu. I believe that they will know English and possibly Xhosa or Zulu or Afrikaans.

Where are the children living now? And who is looking after them?
     I believe the children are living in an orphanage or a children's home in or near the Durban area. They are being cared for by nannies or orphanage workers that care for them and provide them love until their forever family is united with them.

What's taking so long? Are you getting any closer?
     This is a question I wonder often. The short answer is Government red tape on both sides. South Africa got some new laws regarding adoption so we were waiting for our agency to receive accreditation, which we received in the fall. We are waiting for a working agreement to be signed which I think maybe done now! So lastly we are waiting for the Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC) to complete it 15 month long investigation into "irregularities" I pray this will wrap up within the month. I do believe that we are getting closer. There really is no timeline but I think it has to be soon. :)

What happens when you get a referral or a match?
     When we get a referral we will receive a call from our adoption agency saying that we have been matched! Then they will email us photo's and information about the child or children. This information could be lots of details or little details, it really depends on what they know about the child. This will be background information about the child or children. It will talk about their personality, development and their personal life story. This will be an amazing day that I dream of often. We will then review the information and meet with a doctor that is familiar with international adoption, then we will meet with the adoption agency to complete more paperwork. Before the hold up in adoptions families would then travel to South Africa 4-6 weeks later for court and to meet there child and stay in South Africa for 4 weeks. I'm not sure if we will have a longer wait until we actually travel to South Africa for court now or not? This will be a busy time making travel arrangements and preparing our house for the child or children. I do know that when we do go to South Africa we will be required to stay 6 weeks now. During this 6 week period we will be bonding and building attachment and attending court.

Thank you for your questions, If you want more information about adoption I will try and help you the best I can. If you are considering adoption for your family, my advice to you is to start sooner that you think and put your file into two countries if your allowed. Please pray that we get a referral soon and get to meet our precious child or children in South Africa soon. Love Dilly